I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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