Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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