I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize