So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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