I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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