i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
