my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
