The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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