Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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