thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
