apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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