Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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