You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
