I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
