wrigley field is MILF paradise
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
