i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
