P.S. I can't hear my feet
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
