He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
