i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
