I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
