i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
