but the lizard people decide everything anyway
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
