Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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