girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
