He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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