Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
