I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
