y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
