I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
