Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
