I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the condom got lost in my hair
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
