i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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