if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
