Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
