I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
