They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
