I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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