Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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