I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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