No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
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