I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
