You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We have started to decorate penises.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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