So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
