craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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