booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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