i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
