if you like me you must not know who I am
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
