there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize