I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
