please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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