some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
