omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
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i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
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You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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