How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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