the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize