next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
