Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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