the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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