Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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